The Downside of LDS Culture

In recent years, Mormonism has appeared in the spotlight more than it has since perhaps its inception in the early 1800’s. There is a lot of misinformation flying around the Internet and word of mouth, but there is a lot of truth as well. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, but religious belief at its core is highly subjective, differing from person to person. In the LDS faith, there is a distinct difference between doctrine and culture and I want to address that today.

This topic has been on my mind for several months, something that has bothered me for a long time, but I didn’t realize exactly what it was until recently. A friend messaged me today about some of her LDS culture experiences and I got so mad that I knew I had to write this post and share it. I want to call out the discrepancies that I’ve witnessed first hand and also been a part of. I’ve come across so many articles that fascinate me, inspire me, or really irritate me, so I’m going to share ones that I think are worth a read and they often say it better than me!

First off, I highly suggest a thorough read of this article by Brent & Wendy Top. “Sometimes in an attempt to prove our faithfulness to the gospel, Mormons create standards that require even more than what the Lord is asking of us. So before we expend too much energy trying to live these “higher” standards, we should ask ourselves, “Are we living the cultural gospel or the Lord’s gospel?”

Second, I highly suggest a thorough read of this article by Greg Trimble. “It was Christ who brought with him a revolution of love, empathy, and compassion. He built a culture that was geared toward the lowly of heart and revolted against those that spent their lives pointing out the flaws in others.” Can I get an A-freakin’-MEN?

The LDS culture is a minefield. Some of it is completely positive; we have shared customs, values and lifestyles and our own vocabulary! Unfortunately, so much of it is negative, damaging, and alienating. Too many of us are narrow-minded, sheltered, judgmental, and self-righteous.

At my ripe old age of 36, being single is almost unheard of in LDS culture. I’ve been completely ignored in the wards I attended in the past. I once had the Relief Society President as my visiting teacher and not once did she visit. The only reason I met her is because she had a child in nursery where I was placed for my calling. I had to figure out how to put myself in a volunteer position of doing service at ward events or I would have never felt welcome or fit in.
Read:    #1    #2    #3    #4

I have friends who have divorced and they are often felt shunned, ignored and neglected. Especially if there were no children in the marriage. What could they possibly have in common with the rest of “us?” Us being the gold standard LDS family of a temple marriage that created 10 kids.
Read:    #1    #2    #3

The story that hit me today? A dear, brave, unique friend who married the love of her life and *gasp* don’t have kids yet after a year of marriage. The constant questioning and scorn about not having kids yet drags them down! They have been neglected and even uninvited from family events by people in their ward. Why? WHY?! Because a young married couple with no children can’t contribute to a gathering of adults with children? Because if you’re childless, you can’t bond with a child or be around children?
Read:    #1    #2    #3

You know, it’s one thing to murmur about me being single, but to hurt my friend just infuriates me. What if she was teetering in her faith? That kind of behavior is what sends people inactive. I understand being curious and interested, but what happened to some common sense and decency? It’s NONE of your business what other people do or don’t do in their single life, marriage, divorce or children.

Further Reading:    #1    #2    #3    #4    #5

As always,
Single Mormon Lady

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