I’ve been absent for a couple of months because in the shocker of all shockers, two weeks after my last post, I had the best date I’ve ever had in my life. What’s even funnier, is that one week before that date, I had confidently told a dear friend that I didn’t want to date. “I’m really happy where I am! I’ve got a great job, great family and friends, love where I live and my ward. I’ve never been more spiritually centered than I am right now.” BOOM – date.
The date turned to a relationship the very next week and we dated for 9 weeks before it ended and it was amazing, until it wasn’t. Yet, I’m actually okay! It was so beautiful, but eye-opening. I learned so much about myself, my relationship with God, and what I want for my future. I am glad I dated him because it was the first time I’d ever had more than one date with another member of my religious faith (I don’t count the efforts of flirting to converting in my teen years).
The first month was novel/film perfect. It was as if I had ordered him from a catalog. Everything lined up. I prayed and got confirmation that I was supposed to date him and see how things went as we moved along. As Jane Austen wrote in Pride & Prejudice, “A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” My confession that my mind did a little leaping into the future shouldn’t come as a shock, but I was also pretty grounded in my leaping. I knew there was a lot of work involved. It knew it would take time.
Apart from my time with him, I did so much studying of the scriptures, general conference talks, BYU devotionals, and anything else I could get my hands on about dating and marriage. My brain exploded! There were things that I had never realized before and sunk deep. I even wished that I had seen some of it at 18 and maybe I would have done things differently in my life, but I also know I wouldn’t have accepted it then so readily as I have done now.
When the difficult issues began to arise in the second month of dating, all of this education helped me to be in the frame of mind of patience, kindness, openness, vulnerability, trust and faith. Praying about my relationship with this man made such a big difference in how I treated him and reacted to him in various situations. I am sad that it ended. I am sad for the potential of what could have been. I can review my time with him and while I was by no means perfect, my behavior was above reproach. I did my best to be Christlike and I am happy with how I handled everything.
I know that I am a beloved daughter of Heavenly Parents. I know what love and respect looks and feels like. I understand and recognize more the language of the Holy Ghost as it pertains to me. I have amazing friends that have been so kind, supportive, and loving. I have strengthened my relationship with my Savior and I know that what my Heavenly Father has in store for me is so wonderful. I can’t wait to get there!
Single Mormon Lady